It's all about the kids!!!
This is the phrase I hear almost daily, from worn out coworkers reminding each other that what we do is worth it and from smiling visitors who are in smitten with Mexican babies. Once in a while I even catch myself saying it. But I have a secret and for someone who works in an orphanage, it's a pretty dirty little secret. So here it is: I don't like kids all that much.
Don't get me wrong, I love kids that are mine (and by mine I mean nieces and nephews). I love soft cuddly babies that smile and fall asleep in your arms. I love toddlers that do and say hilarious things without even knowing it. I love watching children grow, seeing their personalities and gifts and character develop.
On the other hand, I don't like kids. I do not like dealing with kids who are screaming and are outright defiant. I do not like cleaning vomit off the floor and wiping diarrhea off their legs. I do not like spending a good portion of my day in the laundry room scrubbing soiled clothes. I do not like coming home every afternoon smelling of...well...crap...and bleach. I do not like seeing their selfishness and hearing their demands of "Me first!" (In other words, I don't like it when the remind me of me.) The truth is, I wouldn't do this for the kids.
And that's where God comes into the picture. It's not about the kids. It's about something so much bigger than the kids. It's about a God who loved us so much that He made a way for us to be with Him. He became one of us so that we could be one with Him. It's about the God of the universe. It's all about HIM!
That is why I do what I do. It's not because of the kids. It's because of what he did for me.
"Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me."
Saturday, November 22, 2014
Friday, October 24, 2014
A Day in the Life...
So I thought, as my first blog post from Mexico, I should write out an average day for you all, give you an idea of what that looks like. So here it is, all the glory of being a missionary wrapped up in a single day...
5:15 Alarm goes off. I think "How can it possibly be morning already???"
5:20 Actually get up, attempting to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake my roommate who sleeps approximately 10 inches away from me.
5:21 Manage to make it out of the the "bedroom" portion of our trailer, close the sliding partition and curl up on the couch with a blanket for some quiet time, during which I mostly attempt NOT to fall back asleep.
5:55 Jessica comes out and trades places with me because, unless we're sleeping, there is not space for us to be in the same half of the trailer. I return to the bedroom and open the cupboards above my bed. I then contemplate how badly I need to do laundry, reach for a shirt, and the whole pile of clothes collapses and falls out on my bunk. I find clothes, stuff everything else back in the cupboard, and sprawl across both beds in the daily "get dressed in a confined space" workout routine.
6:07 Do hair, brush teeth, and apply make up...for those of you that are concerned about my concession to vanity...don't be...do hair simply means put it up in a ponytail (because NO ONE wants head lice)...and make up simply means a little powder so I don't look like a tomato when I start sweating.
6:19 Emerge from back of trailer, put on shoes, refill water bottle, grab protein bar and small bag of dried fruit and head out the door... then re-enter trailer, grab my keys and head out the door again...close the door...close the door again...kick the door so it stays closed...
6:28 Enjoy the lovely cool quiet morning as I walk to work, thinking "Ah, this feel like Oregon weather". (It won't in an hour!)
6:30 Arrive at the day care where I work. Immediately head to kitchen, put on an apron, set up little chairs around the tables. Get out an entire stack of towels for use throughout the day...one for washing dishes, two for tables, three for children's hands and faces, and four for drying...think "This probably isn't enough." Set out 30 bowls, spoons, and cups on the serving table.
6:40 Retrieve the laundry basket and walk to the laundry room in the next building...go back for key to laundry room...start load of towels from day before.
6:45 Load up serving dishes in my little red wagon and haul it over to the cafeteria kitchen to get breakfast.
7:00 Return to daycare, set up food in kitchen so it's ready to serve, pour 30 cups of milk, and do a walk through of the bathrooms, making sure there are toilet paper, towels, and soap readily available.
7:05 Sit down to eat breakfast before kids arrive, notice half of a huge beetle on the floor, say "ewwwwwwww" and get up again to clean it up.
7:07 Enjoy passing moments of quiet until kids arrive
7:27 Final prep before kids get there - put footstool in front of sink and fill sink with hot soapy water. Realize I better go to the bathroom since I won't have a chance again for a long time.
7:31 Remember that I forgot to empty the scrap bucket...oh crap...back to the kitchen with an entourage of flies...yuck...
7:36 Kids arrive, help herd 18 girls into the kitchen and put on their aprons. (On this particular day I get the girls first while the boys are given baths. The next day it would be the opposite.)
7:39 Dish up 18 bowls of oatmeal, and serve it to the girls. Spend the next 30 minutes saying, "Comen tu comida" and "Limpia tus manos y tu boca" over and over and over again.
8:12 Repeat entire process with 12 boys
8:28 Bag up the leftovers while waiting for the slower eaters to finish.
8:36 Wipe tables and stack chairs while waiting for Eduardo to finish his breakfast.
8:40 Shoo Eduardo out of the kitchen, pick up the aprons that didn't make it back onto their hooks, and sweep floor.
8:44 Go to bathroom, pick up laundry basket full of towels from bath time, go to laundry room, retrieve clean towels and rags from washer, start new load of towels, and hang yesterdays towels and rags on the clothesline.
8:53 Back to the kitchen, see sink full of dishes and think "This will take forever!" Wash dishes despite impossibility.
9:12 Look at the clock and think "Oh that didn't take so long." Scrub sink and wipe down counter tops and then remember that I still have to wash all toothbrushes and cups. Wash 30 more cups, rinse all the toothpaste out of 30 toothbrushes and then set them to soak in bleach water.
9:23 Breathe and drink water
9:36 Remove toothbrushes from bleach solution, scrub sinks and wipe down counters again. Scrub out scrap bucket and spray with bleach.Go back to laundry room and hang clean towels on the line.
9:48 Walk across the property to pick up one of the kids from the clinic. Listen to him talk all the way back and desperately try to catch one word that you can understand so you can say something in return.
9:55 Return to daycare, collect 30 pairs of socks and underwear that I had hung the day before and are now dry. Sort and fold clothing and put into bins. Organize underwear bins thinking, "Didn't I organize these yesterday?"
10:15 Sit down for a minute and then realize that I only have 30 minutes until snack time. Make fruit cups from the bits of leftover fruit from earlier in the week...apples and grapes...yum
10:42 Walk through bathrooms, flush ALL toilets (toddlers seem to be incapable of this) and wipe off counters thinking, "No wonder we're having a drought...all the water is in our bathrooms..."
10:50 Serve snack outside...less cleanup...yay!!!
11:01 Wash fruit cups, put away everything on counter in preparation for lunch, wipe down sinks and counters again. Remind myself that my shift is half over and lay head on table for five minutes.
11:09 Realize I'm really thirsty and down half my nalgene
11:11 Go to bathroom
11:13 Wash one more fruit cup that was found outside
11:15 Check clothes on line and fold and put away what is dry.
11:23 Set up chairs for lunch and get out dishes
11:28 Spend few spare minutes organizing my storage pantry
11:45 Get out toothbrushes, put toothpaste on them and set each one in a cup. (These are for the kids to use after lunch)
12:00 Kids take a nap at this point so I actually get a little break...eat a few dried apples...drink water...enjoy the quiet...
12:20 Retrieve rest of towels from clothesline, fold and put away.
12:35 Load up my little red wagon and head over to the big kitchen to pick up lunch.
12:50 Serve 30 lunches and be in awe at how much food ends up NOT in their mouths
1:23 Realize my kitchen is once again a disaster...bag up leftovers, wash dishes, pick up chairs, wipe tables, sweep floor, etc...
2:15 Kids get ready to load up on bus, I take the socks and underwear out to the laundry room and stick them in the washer.
2:19 Forgot toothbrushes...again...back to the kitchen, wash 30 more cups, and set the toothbrushes to soak in bleach water.
2:31 Last child out the door...put on gloves, grab my bucket and proceed to scrub down 5 toilets, 5 sinks and counters, 5 mirrors and one bathtub.
3:03 Back to kitchen, put away toothbrushes and do final scrub down of sinks and counters. Put ALL towels and rags in laundry basket
3:19 Stand in laundry room waiting for really slow washer to finish its cycle
3:22 Hang 30 little tiny pairs of underwear and socks on the line...so adorable...
3:31 Say "Hasta Manana" to the teachers and head out into the sunshine
3:32 Arrive at trailer, dripping sweat from the walk.
3:33 Sit on couch...
still sitting.....
3:41 Go take a shower and scrub the bleach, urine, and sweat smell off of me in my allotted 3 minutes of shower time
3:56 Collect a weeks worth of laundry and walk across the parking lot to the staff laundry room. Start 2 loads of laundry
4:02 Sit on couch, check text messages and emails and drink lots and lots of liquids
4:55 Head over to big kitchen to wash dishes
5:35 Go back to trailer and get clothespins
5:40 Hang clothes on line
6:00 Eat Nachos and watch Psych
8:30 Fall asleep
This is what I do...the grunt work...the background stuff...the job that allows others to do their jobs more efficiently....and I love it!
5:15 Alarm goes off. I think "How can it possibly be morning already???"
5:20 Actually get up, attempting to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake my roommate who sleeps approximately 10 inches away from me.
5:21 Manage to make it out of the the "bedroom" portion of our trailer, close the sliding partition and curl up on the couch with a blanket for some quiet time, during which I mostly attempt NOT to fall back asleep.
5:55 Jessica comes out and trades places with me because, unless we're sleeping, there is not space for us to be in the same half of the trailer. I return to the bedroom and open the cupboards above my bed. I then contemplate how badly I need to do laundry, reach for a shirt, and the whole pile of clothes collapses and falls out on my bunk. I find clothes, stuff everything else back in the cupboard, and sprawl across both beds in the daily "get dressed in a confined space" workout routine.
6:07 Do hair, brush teeth, and apply make up...for those of you that are concerned about my concession to vanity...don't be...do hair simply means put it up in a ponytail (because NO ONE wants head lice)...and make up simply means a little powder so I don't look like a tomato when I start sweating.
6:19 Emerge from back of trailer, put on shoes, refill water bottle, grab protein bar and small bag of dried fruit and head out the door... then re-enter trailer, grab my keys and head out the door again...close the door...close the door again...kick the door so it stays closed...
6:28 Enjoy the lovely cool quiet morning as I walk to work, thinking "Ah, this feel like Oregon weather". (It won't in an hour!)
6:30 Arrive at the day care where I work. Immediately head to kitchen, put on an apron, set up little chairs around the tables. Get out an entire stack of towels for use throughout the day...one for washing dishes, two for tables, three for children's hands and faces, and four for drying...think "This probably isn't enough." Set out 30 bowls, spoons, and cups on the serving table.
6:40 Retrieve the laundry basket and walk to the laundry room in the next building...go back for key to laundry room...start load of towels from day before.
6:45 Load up serving dishes in my little red wagon and haul it over to the cafeteria kitchen to get breakfast.
7:00 Return to daycare, set up food in kitchen so it's ready to serve, pour 30 cups of milk, and do a walk through of the bathrooms, making sure there are toilet paper, towels, and soap readily available.
7:05 Sit down to eat breakfast before kids arrive, notice half of a huge beetle on the floor, say "ewwwwwwww" and get up again to clean it up.
7:07 Enjoy passing moments of quiet until kids arrive
7:27 Final prep before kids get there - put footstool in front of sink and fill sink with hot soapy water. Realize I better go to the bathroom since I won't have a chance again for a long time.
7:31 Remember that I forgot to empty the scrap bucket...oh crap...back to the kitchen with an entourage of flies...yuck...
7:36 Kids arrive, help herd 18 girls into the kitchen and put on their aprons. (On this particular day I get the girls first while the boys are given baths. The next day it would be the opposite.)
7:39 Dish up 18 bowls of oatmeal, and serve it to the girls. Spend the next 30 minutes saying, "Comen tu comida" and "Limpia tus manos y tu boca" over and over and over again.
8:12 Repeat entire process with 12 boys
8:28 Bag up the leftovers while waiting for the slower eaters to finish.
8:36 Wipe tables and stack chairs while waiting for Eduardo to finish his breakfast.
8:40 Shoo Eduardo out of the kitchen, pick up the aprons that didn't make it back onto their hooks, and sweep floor.
8:44 Go to bathroom, pick up laundry basket full of towels from bath time, go to laundry room, retrieve clean towels and rags from washer, start new load of towels, and hang yesterdays towels and rags on the clothesline.
8:53 Back to the kitchen, see sink full of dishes and think "This will take forever!" Wash dishes despite impossibility.
9:12 Look at the clock and think "Oh that didn't take so long." Scrub sink and wipe down counter tops and then remember that I still have to wash all toothbrushes and cups. Wash 30 more cups, rinse all the toothpaste out of 30 toothbrushes and then set them to soak in bleach water.
9:23 Breathe and drink water
9:36 Remove toothbrushes from bleach solution, scrub sinks and wipe down counters again. Scrub out scrap bucket and spray with bleach.Go back to laundry room and hang clean towels on the line.
9:48 Walk across the property to pick up one of the kids from the clinic. Listen to him talk all the way back and desperately try to catch one word that you can understand so you can say something in return.
9:55 Return to daycare, collect 30 pairs of socks and underwear that I had hung the day before and are now dry. Sort and fold clothing and put into bins. Organize underwear bins thinking, "Didn't I organize these yesterday?"
10:15 Sit down for a minute and then realize that I only have 30 minutes until snack time. Make fruit cups from the bits of leftover fruit from earlier in the week...apples and grapes...yum
10:42 Walk through bathrooms, flush ALL toilets (toddlers seem to be incapable of this) and wipe off counters thinking, "No wonder we're having a drought...all the water is in our bathrooms..."
10:50 Serve snack outside...less cleanup...yay!!!
11:01 Wash fruit cups, put away everything on counter in preparation for lunch, wipe down sinks and counters again. Remind myself that my shift is half over and lay head on table for five minutes.
11:09 Realize I'm really thirsty and down half my nalgene
11:11 Go to bathroom
11:13 Wash one more fruit cup that was found outside
11:15 Check clothes on line and fold and put away what is dry.
11:23 Set up chairs for lunch and get out dishes
11:28 Spend few spare minutes organizing my storage pantry
11:45 Get out toothbrushes, put toothpaste on them and set each one in a cup. (These are for the kids to use after lunch)
12:00 Kids take a nap at this point so I actually get a little break...eat a few dried apples...drink water...enjoy the quiet...
12:20 Retrieve rest of towels from clothesline, fold and put away.
12:35 Load up my little red wagon and head over to the big kitchen to pick up lunch.
12:50 Serve 30 lunches and be in awe at how much food ends up NOT in their mouths
1:23 Realize my kitchen is once again a disaster...bag up leftovers, wash dishes, pick up chairs, wipe tables, sweep floor, etc...
2:15 Kids get ready to load up on bus, I take the socks and underwear out to the laundry room and stick them in the washer.
2:19 Forgot toothbrushes...again...back to the kitchen, wash 30 more cups, and set the toothbrushes to soak in bleach water.
2:31 Last child out the door...put on gloves, grab my bucket and proceed to scrub down 5 toilets, 5 sinks and counters, 5 mirrors and one bathtub.
3:03 Back to kitchen, put away toothbrushes and do final scrub down of sinks and counters. Put ALL towels and rags in laundry basket
3:19 Stand in laundry room waiting for really slow washer to finish its cycle
3:22 Hang 30 little tiny pairs of underwear and socks on the line...so adorable...
3:31 Say "Hasta Manana" to the teachers and head out into the sunshine
3:32 Arrive at trailer, dripping sweat from the walk.
3:33 Sit on couch...
still sitting.....
3:41 Go take a shower and scrub the bleach, urine, and sweat smell off of me in my allotted 3 minutes of shower time
3:56 Collect a weeks worth of laundry and walk across the parking lot to the staff laundry room. Start 2 loads of laundry
4:02 Sit on couch, check text messages and emails and drink lots and lots of liquids
4:55 Head over to big kitchen to wash dishes
5:35 Go back to trailer and get clothespins
5:40 Hang clothes on line
6:00 Eat Nachos and watch Psych
8:30 Fall asleep
This is what I do...the grunt work...the background stuff...the job that allows others to do their jobs more efficiently....and I love it!
Saturday, July 5, 2014
Now is the Time
I've been thinking about this post for almost a week now. What to write...how to say what I need to say...trying to be clever and creative and memorable...and I'm still drawing a blank...
The last few years have been rough and I've spent a lot of my time extremely confused. As I struggled with changes in my my own life and the lives of close friends I kept trying to find my place. What was I supposed to be doing? Where did I fit into the picture? And I kept coming up empty handed. More than that, I felt like I kept getting kicked in the stomach. I would try to step outside the familiar and I would get a door slammed in my face, I would reach out and try to love on someone and find myself rejected. I felt like I was getting beat up again and again and again. I felt unneeded and even more painful, unwanted.
The spring of 2013 I thought I had finally found my niche, at least for a little while. I was going to spend my summer serving at an orphanage in Mexico. It seemed perfect, a chance to distance myself a little from the familiar, try something new, get away from the distractions of home. For once, all the lights seemed green. I was so excited and hopeful. Then the hardest kick yet came just a week before I was to leave. My application had been rejected. No explanation. Never had I felt more unneeded or unwanted...or worthless...even people that didn't know me didn't want me. So the truth is, I gave up at that point. I was tired of trying, tired of getting hurt. I was going to stick with what was safe and what I knew. I had a job I liked, a best friend, and plenty of family. I didn't need anything else. I could go to work, come home at night and lose myself in a book, and once every week or two when I felt the need for social contact, I could have a conversation. Simple. No excitement, no risk, no pain.
But God never ceases to surprise me. And that moment has arrived when, despite my apathy and selfishness and laziness, He takes my hand and says, "Now is the time."
Earlier this week, I received confirmation from the very same mission organization that turned me down last summer. I have been accepted for the coming school year. In September I will pack up my truck, drive for 3 days, and arrive at my new home.
To be honest, I'm still having trouble wrapping my mind around this. There's so much I need to get done in the next two months. But I'm so excited to see what God is going to teach me, how He is going to provide for me, how He is going to increase my faith through this adventure. This week He's been teaching me about moving on. I'm really really great at living in the past. I've listened to this song probably 100 times at least in the last two weeks. I'm so grateful that God doesn't give up on me as easily as I give up on myself!
Oh I know I'm gonna rise again
Set my sights on where I’m going
And my goodbyes to where I've been
Oh I know I’m gonna rise again
Singing farewell king of the broken
So long my friend
Friday, May 30, 2014
The Dress
She looks in the mirror and smiles. She is beautiful and she knows it. Her dress is pure white and it hangs in spotless perfection from her frame, accentuating her feminine shape and making her skin shimmer. Her hair is up, a few wispy curls framing her glowing cheeks. Her lips are turned up in a sweet smile that extends upward through her entire face and explodes out through her eyes. She sways gently back and forth and laughs lightly. Her sway turns into a spin and she laughs louder as she watches her skirt rush out from her body. She raises her arms as she spins, joy flowing from every pore. And in that moment, in the carelessness of exuberant abandonment, she loses focus on the world around her, she focuses only on how she feels and not on her surroundings. And as she raises her arms and spins, her fingers, tipped with polished nails connect with the bottle of nail polish left open, sitting on the table beside her. In one horrible moment, the bottle is flung through the empty air and the bright red liquid inside is flung across her dress, leaving a stain on her once pristine skirt.
She stops spinning.
She is still...silent...stunned...
"No!" Her mind screams, "This cannot happen, How could I have been so careless?" She stares down at her ruined dress and chokes out a quiet, strained "...no..."
She gasps as the tears start to flow, streaming down her face, dropping onto her trembling hands. The next "No" is much louder. An anguished cry, the cry of a girl whose perfect dreams have been crushed.
Her bridegroom is quickly by her side, having responded instantly to the cry of the one he loves. He holds her, strokes her hair, and whispers in her ear that he doesn't care about the dress, he loves her. Slowly the convulsing subsides but the tears are still there, the damage cannot be undone.
He stands back from her and looks at her. Her hair has fallen, collapsed in a disheveled mess down her back. Her eyes are red, her face flushed and covered with splotches, almost matching the red splotches on her dress.
He smiles, brushes her cheek with his hand, and whispers, "You're so beautiful."
He kneels down, picks up the nail polish, dips the brush in the bottle and reaches toward his beloved's dress.
She takes a step back. "No! What are you doing?"
"Be still."
"No, this doesn't make sense."
"Trust me."
"Okay..." her voice catching as she whispers.
He reaches out and begins to apply more red nail polish to the ruined dress.
She watches him for a moment. "But you're just making it worse!"
She cries.
"Be still and trust me."
She closes her eyes and begins to cry again, shame and anger and confusion overwhelming her, but she is still.
For a long time she is still as he silently and diligently works. She runs out of tears to cry, there is nothing left to feel. She stands there with eyes closed, an empty shell with ruined dreams.
There is stillness and silence in the room. It is endless. Then, when all hope has drained out of her, she hears a whisper. "Open your eyes."
She is surprised to hear his voice after so long, she had forgotten he was there, forgotten that she was not alone. She opens her eyes and looks into his. He is smiling.
"You are so beautiful," he whispers.
She stares at him for a long time and then lowers her head in shame as she remembers, but her downcast eyes don't see a stain. What she sees shocks her. She sees a dress that is no longer pure white. Painted on the clean background is a beautiful pattern of swirls and arcs, a design so intricate she can't see a pattern to it yet somehow it is perfectly balanced, each surprising turn leading to another beautiful shape, almost as if you could read an entire story in the swirls if you knew how to interpret the design. There is no stain, it has all been swallowed up in the unique work of art that her dress now is.
She looks up at him, her eyes wide with amazement.
He is smiling, love emanating from his eyes. "You are so beautiful."
She smiles, then laughs, then throws herself into his arms and together they spin.
"He has made everything beautiful in His time" ~ Ecclesiastes 3:11
She stops spinning.
She is still...silent...stunned...
"No!" Her mind screams, "This cannot happen, How could I have been so careless?" She stares down at her ruined dress and chokes out a quiet, strained "...no..."
She gasps as the tears start to flow, streaming down her face, dropping onto her trembling hands. The next "No" is much louder. An anguished cry, the cry of a girl whose perfect dreams have been crushed.
Her bridegroom is quickly by her side, having responded instantly to the cry of the one he loves. He holds her, strokes her hair, and whispers in her ear that he doesn't care about the dress, he loves her. Slowly the convulsing subsides but the tears are still there, the damage cannot be undone.
He stands back from her and looks at her. Her hair has fallen, collapsed in a disheveled mess down her back. Her eyes are red, her face flushed and covered with splotches, almost matching the red splotches on her dress.
He smiles, brushes her cheek with his hand, and whispers, "You're so beautiful."
He kneels down, picks up the nail polish, dips the brush in the bottle and reaches toward his beloved's dress.
She takes a step back. "No! What are you doing?"
"Be still."
"No, this doesn't make sense."
"Trust me."
"Okay..." her voice catching as she whispers.
He reaches out and begins to apply more red nail polish to the ruined dress.
She watches him for a moment. "But you're just making it worse!"
She cries.
"Be still and trust me."
She closes her eyes and begins to cry again, shame and anger and confusion overwhelming her, but she is still.
For a long time she is still as he silently and diligently works. She runs out of tears to cry, there is nothing left to feel. She stands there with eyes closed, an empty shell with ruined dreams.
There is stillness and silence in the room. It is endless. Then, when all hope has drained out of her, she hears a whisper. "Open your eyes."
She is surprised to hear his voice after so long, she had forgotten he was there, forgotten that she was not alone. She opens her eyes and looks into his. He is smiling.
"You are so beautiful," he whispers.
She stares at him for a long time and then lowers her head in shame as she remembers, but her downcast eyes don't see a stain. What she sees shocks her. She sees a dress that is no longer pure white. Painted on the clean background is a beautiful pattern of swirls and arcs, a design so intricate she can't see a pattern to it yet somehow it is perfectly balanced, each surprising turn leading to another beautiful shape, almost as if you could read an entire story in the swirls if you knew how to interpret the design. There is no stain, it has all been swallowed up in the unique work of art that her dress now is.
She looks up at him, her eyes wide with amazement.
He is smiling, love emanating from his eyes. "You are so beautiful."
She smiles, then laughs, then throws herself into his arms and together they spin.
"He has made everything beautiful in His time" ~ Ecclesiastes 3:11
Thursday, January 9, 2014
The Lost Princess
Once upon a time, there was a princess. She lived in a beautiful kingdom surrounded by a dark wood and there were many other princes and princesses for her to play with. The girls father, the king, was a just and righteous king, and he loved all his little princes and princesses very much.
The princess tried very hard to be good and to obey her father, but even though she was a princess she was still human and therefore, imperfect. Some days she would be disobedient or would say or do unkind things to the others in the kingdom. Some days she would even yell at the king when she didn't get her way.
One day, she got very tired of not getting her way and she grew angry with the king, so she ran away to the dark woods surrounding the kingdom. Now the woods were full of dangerous creatures and it was forbidden to journey there alone and without the protection of the king. And yet, this is where the princess, in her frustration and anger, fled.
Now the princess really loved the king and didn't really want to run away so when she came to the edge of the woods she entered them only far enough to hide behind a tree and there she sat and there she pouted.
It wasn't long before she heard voices calling her name. The king had sent some of the other princes and princesses looking for her but the princess was not finished throwing her tantrum. She did not want to be found so she crept a little further into the woods to remain hidden. She sat there for a long time. She thought the woods were really quite lovely and she began to wonder why they were forbidden. The sunlight shone through the trees almost like stained glass and there were squirrels and rabbits and deer that made her laugh. She rather liked it and found it peaceful. She could still see the kingdom from where she was so it was quite safe, she reasoned.
Little by little, she began to explore the woods. The animals were friendly and there were some beautiful flowers that grew there. She spent many days wandering the edge of the woods and for awhile she was careful to always keep the kingdom in view. But each day she wandered a little further and grew a little more careless. And each day she questioned the commands of the king a little bit more.
One day she discovered that she could no longer see the kingdom. She felt afraid for a moment and then she laughed, "That silly kingdom and it's silly rules. These woods are perfectly safe. I can live here quite happily for now, and anytime I want I can find my way back to the kingdom." And she continued to wander deeper and deeper into the woods.
But over time, the princess grew tired of living in the woods. She longed for a warm bath, clean clothes, and good food, and deep down, where she wouldn't even admit it to herself, she longed for the king. She determined to return to the kingdom. She knew everyone would be excited about her return and she could tell them stories about what the woods were really like. She would be a heroine. She had survived, no, thrived in the forbidden woods. She turned around and started back toward the kingdom.
She walked and walked and walked and the woods, instead of opening into the clear pastures of the kingdom, grew more dense. The beautiful flowers were now ugly and full of thorns and the animals, instead of making her laugh, frightened her. She continued to walk, growing more panicked by the minute, but no matter which way she went, she could not find the way out.
She wandered for days, her clothes became tangled in the brush and torn to rags. Her legs and arms were stained with blood and carried the scars from hundreds of long, sharp thorns. Her face grew thin from hunger and her eyes no longer sparkled with the laughter of a princess. She knew she was hopelessly lost and yet she continued to wander, hoping by some chance that she would find her way out. She grew old and tired and she forgot that she was a princess.
One day, she sat down and wept, which was the very best thing she could have done, because as all little princes and princesses are taught, when you are lost the best thing to do is to be still and let someone find you. So the ragged girl, who used to be a princess, sat in the woods and sobbed, "I'm so sorry I left you father and now I am lost and I can't find my way and I will never see you again."
And suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder and she looked up to see the smiling sad face of the king. "I will show you the way back to the kingdom," he said. And for a moment, her eyes sparkled like a princess once again and then she was filled with shame and she dropped her eyes to the ground. "I have forgotten how to be your daughter."
And the king wrapped his strong arms around her and picked her up like a little child and kissed her head and said, "The journey back to the kingdom is a long one, and as we travel I will teach you how to be my princess again. But you must trust me. You are very deep in the woods and the path will not always be clear or easy. But I will hold your hand and show you every step you are to take. But if you try to make your own path you will end up even deeper in the woods and it will be even harder for you to get out then."
The princess sobbed into the kings shoulder, "Oh yes, I will go with you, I will do whatever you say, just don't leave me alone."
The king smiled, "Good girl," he whispered. "Now come, we must begin our journey." He set her on her feet and took her hand. "This is the way we must go."
The girl looked where he gestured. She trembled, "No, that way looks too overgrown to even walk through and I can see hungry animals prowling in the brush."
The king looked his princess in the eye. "Do you trust me?"
She took a deep breath and gripped his hand even tighter. "Yes."
And the princess took her first step back towards the kingdom.
The princess tried very hard to be good and to obey her father, but even though she was a princess she was still human and therefore, imperfect. Some days she would be disobedient or would say or do unkind things to the others in the kingdom. Some days she would even yell at the king when she didn't get her way.
One day, she got very tired of not getting her way and she grew angry with the king, so she ran away to the dark woods surrounding the kingdom. Now the woods were full of dangerous creatures and it was forbidden to journey there alone and without the protection of the king. And yet, this is where the princess, in her frustration and anger, fled.
Now the princess really loved the king and didn't really want to run away so when she came to the edge of the woods she entered them only far enough to hide behind a tree and there she sat and there she pouted.
It wasn't long before she heard voices calling her name. The king had sent some of the other princes and princesses looking for her but the princess was not finished throwing her tantrum. She did not want to be found so she crept a little further into the woods to remain hidden. She sat there for a long time. She thought the woods were really quite lovely and she began to wonder why they were forbidden. The sunlight shone through the trees almost like stained glass and there were squirrels and rabbits and deer that made her laugh. She rather liked it and found it peaceful. She could still see the kingdom from where she was so it was quite safe, she reasoned.
Little by little, she began to explore the woods. The animals were friendly and there were some beautiful flowers that grew there. She spent many days wandering the edge of the woods and for awhile she was careful to always keep the kingdom in view. But each day she wandered a little further and grew a little more careless. And each day she questioned the commands of the king a little bit more.
One day she discovered that she could no longer see the kingdom. She felt afraid for a moment and then she laughed, "That silly kingdom and it's silly rules. These woods are perfectly safe. I can live here quite happily for now, and anytime I want I can find my way back to the kingdom." And she continued to wander deeper and deeper into the woods.
But over time, the princess grew tired of living in the woods. She longed for a warm bath, clean clothes, and good food, and deep down, where she wouldn't even admit it to herself, she longed for the king. She determined to return to the kingdom. She knew everyone would be excited about her return and she could tell them stories about what the woods were really like. She would be a heroine. She had survived, no, thrived in the forbidden woods. She turned around and started back toward the kingdom.
She walked and walked and walked and the woods, instead of opening into the clear pastures of the kingdom, grew more dense. The beautiful flowers were now ugly and full of thorns and the animals, instead of making her laugh, frightened her. She continued to walk, growing more panicked by the minute, but no matter which way she went, she could not find the way out.
She wandered for days, her clothes became tangled in the brush and torn to rags. Her legs and arms were stained with blood and carried the scars from hundreds of long, sharp thorns. Her face grew thin from hunger and her eyes no longer sparkled with the laughter of a princess. She knew she was hopelessly lost and yet she continued to wander, hoping by some chance that she would find her way out. She grew old and tired and she forgot that she was a princess.
One day, she sat down and wept, which was the very best thing she could have done, because as all little princes and princesses are taught, when you are lost the best thing to do is to be still and let someone find you. So the ragged girl, who used to be a princess, sat in the woods and sobbed, "I'm so sorry I left you father and now I am lost and I can't find my way and I will never see you again."
And suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder and she looked up to see the smiling sad face of the king. "I will show you the way back to the kingdom," he said. And for a moment, her eyes sparkled like a princess once again and then she was filled with shame and she dropped her eyes to the ground. "I have forgotten how to be your daughter."
And the king wrapped his strong arms around her and picked her up like a little child and kissed her head and said, "The journey back to the kingdom is a long one, and as we travel I will teach you how to be my princess again. But you must trust me. You are very deep in the woods and the path will not always be clear or easy. But I will hold your hand and show you every step you are to take. But if you try to make your own path you will end up even deeper in the woods and it will be even harder for you to get out then."
The princess sobbed into the kings shoulder, "Oh yes, I will go with you, I will do whatever you say, just don't leave me alone."
The king smiled, "Good girl," he whispered. "Now come, we must begin our journey." He set her on her feet and took her hand. "This is the way we must go."
The girl looked where he gestured. She trembled, "No, that way looks too overgrown to even walk through and I can see hungry animals prowling in the brush."
The king looked his princess in the eye. "Do you trust me?"
She took a deep breath and gripped his hand even tighter. "Yes."
And the princess took her first step back towards the kingdom.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
I'm Back!
Hey, look...I have a blog...I had forgotten...No, that's not really true...I just decided to ignore it for awhile. But it is a new month and the beginning of a new school year and I'm back with a few goals. There's been a lot going on over the summer and there will be a lot going on for the next 3 months and I promise to write more frequently to keep you all updated. So, in a nutshell, here's my life right now:
What I did this summer:
This summer I spent mostly outside enjoying God's beautiful creation. I did all the things I usually do: worked at summer camp (including a quick stint as head cook), chaperoned our youth group canoe trip, and went camping with my family. Also this summer I had the privilege of staffing with NIKO, an outdoor leadership training program through Youth with a Mission. I did my own Niko 15 years ago and never thought I would go back. But God, as He always does, knew what I needed better than I did. It's been an incredible summer and I will write more about how God has been growing me and teaching me in an upcoming post.
What I am up to now:
With the school year starting I am back at piano lessons and hopefully will be accompanying at OSU again this year. I continue to help out with the youth group and have also started taking a Spanish class. The next few months hold several other potential changes which I will keep you updated on as they come.
Goals for the month of October:
Just a few random goals for this month that I wanted to write down because I will be more likely to accomplish them if they are written down. (Feel free to keep me accountable, ask me about them!)
1) Blog - my goal is at least once a week. God is doing so much and teaching me so much and writing it down and sharing it is an important part of the learning process.
2) Run at least 1 mile every day this month - I'm training for a half marathon in a few weeks so most days will be more than that. But even on my 'rest' days I want to still run a mile.
3) Memorize Romans 1-8 - not as big a challenge as it may seem. I've had it all memorized at one point or another in my life. It just needs to be refreshed and solidified.
4) Practice piano consistently - In other words, practice piano every day I have access to a piano. Notice I am not setting a time limit. I just want consistency at this point.
5) Read a Dickens novel - I used to read him a lot when I was younger and I fell out of the habit. Time to get back into it!
So that's it! My life in a nutshell! Some of these things will definitely be expanded on in the future, but in the meantime, thanks for reading!
What I did this summer:
This summer I spent mostly outside enjoying God's beautiful creation. I did all the things I usually do: worked at summer camp (including a quick stint as head cook), chaperoned our youth group canoe trip, and went camping with my family. Also this summer I had the privilege of staffing with NIKO, an outdoor leadership training program through Youth with a Mission. I did my own Niko 15 years ago and never thought I would go back. But God, as He always does, knew what I needed better than I did. It's been an incredible summer and I will write more about how God has been growing me and teaching me in an upcoming post.
What I am up to now:
With the school year starting I am back at piano lessons and hopefully will be accompanying at OSU again this year. I continue to help out with the youth group and have also started taking a Spanish class. The next few months hold several other potential changes which I will keep you updated on as they come.
Goals for the month of October:
Just a few random goals for this month that I wanted to write down because I will be more likely to accomplish them if they are written down. (Feel free to keep me accountable, ask me about them!)
1) Blog - my goal is at least once a week. God is doing so much and teaching me so much and writing it down and sharing it is an important part of the learning process.
2) Run at least 1 mile every day this month - I'm training for a half marathon in a few weeks so most days will be more than that. But even on my 'rest' days I want to still run a mile.
3) Memorize Romans 1-8 - not as big a challenge as it may seem. I've had it all memorized at one point or another in my life. It just needs to be refreshed and solidified.
4) Practice piano consistently - In other words, practice piano every day I have access to a piano. Notice I am not setting a time limit. I just want consistency at this point.
5) Read a Dickens novel - I used to read him a lot when I was younger and I fell out of the habit. Time to get back into it!
So that's it! My life in a nutshell! Some of these things will definitely be expanded on in the future, but in the meantime, thanks for reading!
Monday, May 20, 2013
Pushups for Donuts
I read this story several years ago but it has come back to haunt me this past year as I have learned more and more about grace. So whether you have heard this before or not please read it. I hope it helps you understand God's gracious gift to us a little more.
Pushups for Donuts There was a certain professor of religion named Dr. Christianson, a studious man who taught at a small college in the western United States. Dr. Christianson taught a required course in Christianity at this Particular institution. Every student was required to take this course regardless of his or her major. Although Dr. Christianson tried hard to communicate the essence of the Gospel in his class, he found that most of his students looked upon the course as nothing more than required drudgery. Despite his best efforts, most students refused to take Christianity seriously. This year Dr. Christianson had a special student named Steve. Steve was only a freshman, but was studying with the intent of going on to Seminary. Steve was popular, well liked and an imposing physical specimen. He was the starting center on the school football team and the best student in the class. One day, Dr. Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk "how many push-ups can you do?" Steve said, "I do about 200 every night." "200? That's pretty good, Steve," Dr. Christianson said. "Do you think you could do 300?" "I don't know," Steve replied, "I've never done 300 at a time." "Do you think you could?" again asked the professor. "Well, I could try," said Steve. "Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I have a class project and I need you to do about 300 push-ups in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it? I need you to tell me you can do it," said Dr. Christianson. Steve said, "Well... I think I can... yeah, I can do it." Dr. Christianson said, "Good! I need you to do this on Friday. Let me explain what I have in mind." Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room. When class started, the professor pulled out a big box of donuts. Now these weren't the normal kind of donuts, these were the big fancy kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited that it was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend with a party in Dr. Christianson's class. Dr. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, "Cynthia would you like one of these donuts?" Cynthia said, "Yes please." Dr. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you please do ten push-ups so that Cynthia may have a donut?" "Sure." Steve jumped down from the desk, did ten quick push-ups, and then returned to his desk. Dr. Christianson put a donut on Cynthia's desk. Dr. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, "Joe do you want a donut?" Joe said, "Yes." The professor asked, "Steve would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a donut?" Steve did ten push-ups and Joe got a donut. And so it went, down the first aisle. Steve did ten push-ups for each person before they received a donut. Dr. Christianson continued down the second aisle until he came to Scott. Scott was on the basketball team, and in as good of physical condition as Steve. Scott was popular and never lacking female companionship. When the professor asked, "Scott would you like a donut?" Scott's reply was, "Yes, if I can do my own push-ups." Dr. Christianson said, "No, Steve has to do them." Scott said, "Then I don't want one" The professor shrugged and then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Scott can have the donut he doesn't want?" With perfect obedience Steve started to do the push-ups. Scott yelled, "HEY! I said I didn't want one!" Dr. Christianson said sternly, "Look, this is my class, these are my desks, and these are my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don't want it" And he put a donut on Scott's desk. Now by this time, Steve had begun to perspire and was starting to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to get up and down. As Dr. Christianson started down the third row, many students were beginning to get a little angry. Dr. Christianson asked Jenny, "Jenny, do you want a donut?" Jenny's answer was a firm, "No!" Then Dr. Christianson asked Steve, "Steve, would you do ten more push-ups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn't want?" Steve did ten...Jenny got a donut. By now, a growing sense of uneasiness filled the room. The students were beginning to say "No" and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks. Steve also had to put forth a lot of extra effort to get these push-ups done for each donut. There was a pool of sweat on the floor beneath his face and his arms were beginning to turn red because of the physical effort being put forth. Because Dr. Christianson could no longer bear to watch Steve's hard work go for all these uneaten donuts, he asked Robert, the most vocal unbeliever in the class, to watch Steve do each push-up to make sure he did all ten in each set. As the professor started down the fourth row, he noticed some students from other classes had wandered in and sat down on the steps along the radiators that ran down the sides of the room. He did a quick count and saw that there were now thirty-four students in the room. He started to worry that Steve would not be able to make it. He went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of the row, Steve was really having a hard time. It was taking a lot more time to complete each set. Just then, Jason, a recent transfer student, came to the room. He was about to enter when at once all of the students yelled, "NO!! Don't come in!!" Jason didn't know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said, "No, let him come." Professor Christianson said, "You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do ten push-ups for him?" "Yes, let him come in. Give him a donut." Dr. Christianson said, "Okay Steve, I'll let you get Jason's out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?" Not even knowing what was going on, Jason said, "Yes, I'll have a donut." "Steve, will you do ten push-ups so that Jason can have a donut?" Steve did ten very slow and labored push-ups. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down. Dr. Christianson finished the fourth row and started on the visitors seated by the radiators. Steve's arms were now shaking with each push-up in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. Sweat was profusely dripping off of his face and there was no sound except his heavy breathing. By this time, there was not a dry eye in the room. The very last two students in the room were two young women, both cheerleaders, and very well-liked. Dr. Christianson went to Linda and asked if she wanted a donut. Linda said, very sadly, "No, thank you." The professor quietly asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn't want?" Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow push-ups for Linda. The Dr. Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan "Susan, do you want a donut?" Susan, with tears streaming down her face pleaded, "Dr.Christianson, why can't I help him?" Dr. Christianson, with tears of his own, explained, "No, Steve has to do it alone. I have given him this task and he is in charge of seeing that everyone here has an opportunity for a donut whether they want it or not. When I decided to have a party this last day of class, I looked at my grade book. Steve is the only student with a perfect grade. Everyone else has failed a test, skipped class, or offered up inferior work. Steve told me that in football practice when a player messes up, he has to do push-ups. I told Steve that none of you could come to the party unless he paid the price by doing your push-ups. He and I made a deal for your sakes. Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Susan can have a donut?" As Steve very slowly finished his last push-up, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 push-ups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor. Dr. Christianson turned to the room and said, "And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, plead to the Father, 'into Thy hands I commend my spirit.' With the understanding that He had accomplished all that was required of Him, He yielded up His life for us. And like some of those in this room, many leave the gift on the desk, uneaten." Two students helped Steve up off the floor and to a seat, physically exhausted, but wearing a thin smile. "Well done good and faithful servant," said the professor, adding, "Not all sermons are preached in words." Turning to the class the professor said, "My wish is that you might understand and fully comprehend all the riches of grace and mercy that have been given to you through the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. God spared not His only begotten son, but gave him up for us and for the whole world, now and forever. Whether we choose to accept His gift to us, the price for our sins has been paid. Wouldn't it be foolish and wouldn't it be ungrateful just to leave it laying on the desk?" |
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