I'm Back!

Hey, look...I have a blog...I had forgotten...No, that's not really true...I just decided to ignore it for awhile. But it is a new month and the beginning of a new school year and I'm back with a few goals. There's been a lot going on over the summer and there will be a lot going on for the next 3 months and I promise to write more frequently to keep you all updated. So, in a nutshell, here's my life right now:

What I did this summer:
This summer I spent mostly outside enjoying God's beautiful creation. I did all the things I usually do: worked at summer camp (including a quick stint as head cook), chaperoned our youth group canoe trip, and went camping with my family. Also this summer I had the privilege of staffing with NIKO, an outdoor leadership training program through Youth with a Mission. I did my own Niko 15 years ago and never thought I would go back. But God, as He always does, knew what I needed better than I did. It's been an incredible summer and I will write more about how God has been growing me and teaching me in an upcoming post.

What I am up to now:
With the school year starting I am back at piano lessons and hopefully will be accompanying at OSU again this year. I continue to help out with the youth group and have also started taking a Spanish class. The next few months hold several other potential changes which I will keep you updated on as they come.

Goals for the month of October:
Just a few random goals for this month that I wanted to write down because I will  be more likely to accomplish them if they are written down. (Feel free to keep me accountable, ask me about them!)
1) Blog - my goal is at least once a week. God is doing so much and teaching me so much and writing it down and sharing it is an important part of the learning process.
2) Run at least 1 mile every day this month - I'm training for a half marathon in a few weeks so most days will be more than that. But even on my 'rest' days I want to still run a mile.
3) Memorize Romans 1-8 - not as big a challenge as it may seem. I've had it all memorized at one point or another in my life. It just needs to be refreshed and solidified.
4) Practice piano consistently - In other words, practice piano every day I have access to a piano. Notice I am not setting a time limit. I just want consistency at this point.
5) Read a Dickens novel - I used to read him a lot when I was younger and I fell out of the habit. Time to get back into it!

So that's it! My life in a nutshell! Some of these things will definitely be expanded on in the future, but in the meantime, thanks for reading!

Pushups for Donuts

I read this story several years ago but it has come back to haunt me this past year as I have learned more and more about grace. So whether you have heard this before or not please read it. I hope it helps you understand God's gracious gift to us a little more.

Pushups for Donuts There was a certain professor of religion named Dr. Christianson, a studious man who taught at a small college in the western United States. Dr. Christianson taught a required course in Christianity at this Particular institution. Every student was required to take this course regardless of his or her major. Although Dr. Christianson tried hard to communicate the essence of the Gospel in his class, he found that most of his students looked upon the course as nothing more than required drudgery. Despite his best efforts, most students refused to take Christianity seriously. This year Dr. Christianson had a special student named Steve. Steve was only a freshman, but was studying with the intent of going on to Seminary. Steve was popular, well liked and an imposing physical specimen. He was the starting center on the school football team and the best student in the class. One day, Dr. Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk "how many push-ups can you do?" Steve said, "I do about 200 every night." "200? That's pretty good, Steve," Dr. Christianson said. "Do you think you could do 300?" "I don't know," Steve replied, "I've never done 300 at a time." "Do you think you could?" again asked the professor. "Well, I could try," said Steve. "Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I have a class project and I need you to do about 300 push-ups in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it? I need you to tell me you can do it," said Dr. Christianson. Steve said, "Well... I think I can... yeah, I can do it." Dr. Christianson said, "Good! I need you to do this on Friday. Let me explain what I have in mind." Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room. When class started, the professor pulled out a big box of donuts. Now these weren't the normal kind of donuts, these were the big fancy kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited that it was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend with a party in Dr. Christianson's class. Dr. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, "Cynthia would you like one of these donuts?" Cynthia said, "Yes please." Dr. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you please do ten push-ups so that Cynthia may have a donut?" "Sure." Steve jumped down from the desk, did ten quick push-ups, and then returned to his desk. Dr. Christianson put a donut on Cynthia's desk. Dr. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, "Joe do you want a donut?" Joe said, "Yes." The professor asked, "Steve would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a donut?" Steve did ten push-ups and Joe got a donut. And so it went, down the first aisle. Steve did ten push-ups for each person before they received a donut. Dr. Christianson continued down the second aisle until he came to Scott. Scott was on the basketball team, and in as good of physical condition as Steve. Scott was popular and never lacking female companionship. When the professor asked, "Scott would you like a donut?" Scott's reply was, "Yes, if I can do my own push-ups." Dr. Christianson said, "No, Steve has to do them." Scott said, "Then I don't want one" The professor shrugged and then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Scott can have the donut he doesn't want?" With perfect obedience Steve started to do the push-ups. Scott yelled, "HEY! I said I didn't want one!" Dr. Christianson said sternly, "Look, this is my class, these are my desks, and these are my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don't want it" And he put a donut on Scott's desk. Now by this time, Steve had begun to perspire and was starting to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to get up and down. As Dr. Christianson started down the third row, many students were beginning to get a little angry. Dr. Christianson asked Jenny, "Jenny, do you want a donut?" Jenny's answer was a firm, "No!" Then Dr. Christianson asked Steve, "Steve, would you do ten more push-ups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn't want?" Steve did ten...Jenny got a donut. By now, a growing sense of uneasiness filled the room. The students were beginning to say "No" and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks. Steve also had to put forth a lot of extra effort to get these push-ups done for each donut. There was a pool of sweat on the floor beneath his face and his arms were beginning to turn red because of the physical effort being put forth. Because Dr. Christianson could no longer bear to watch Steve's hard work go for all these uneaten donuts, he asked Robert, the most vocal unbeliever in the class, to watch Steve do each push-up to make sure he did all ten in each set. As the professor started down the fourth row, he noticed some students from other classes had wandered in and sat down on the steps along the radiators that ran down the sides of the room. He did a quick count and saw that there were now thirty-four students in the room. He started to worry that Steve would not be able to make it. He went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of the row, Steve was really having a hard time. It was taking a lot more time to complete each set. Just then, Jason, a recent transfer student, came to the room. He was about to enter when at once all of the students yelled, "NO!! Don't come in!!" Jason didn't know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said, "No, let him come." Professor Christianson said, "You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do ten push-ups for him?" "Yes, let him come in. Give him a donut." Dr. Christianson said, "Okay Steve, I'll let you get Jason's out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?" Not even knowing what was going on, Jason said, "Yes, I'll have a donut." "Steve, will you do ten push-ups so that Jason can have a donut?" Steve did ten very slow and labored push-ups. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down. Dr. Christianson finished the fourth row and started on the visitors seated by the radiators. Steve's arms were now shaking with each push-up in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. Sweat was profusely dripping off of his face and there was no sound except his heavy breathing. By this time, there was not a dry eye in the room. The very last two students in the room were two young women, both cheerleaders, and very well-liked. Dr. Christianson went to Linda and asked if she wanted a donut. Linda said, very sadly, "No, thank you." The professor quietly asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn't want?" Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow push-ups for Linda. The Dr. Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan "Susan, do you want a donut?" Susan, with tears streaming down her face pleaded, "Dr.Christianson, why can't I help him?" Dr. Christianson, with tears of his own, explained, "No, Steve has to do it alone. I have given him this task and he is in charge of seeing that everyone here has an opportunity for a donut whether they want it or not. When I decided to have a party this last day of class, I looked at my grade book. Steve is the only student with a perfect grade. Everyone else has failed a test, skipped class, or offered up inferior work. Steve told me that in football practice when a player messes up, he has to do push-ups. I told Steve that none of you could come to the party unless he paid the price by doing your push-ups. He and I made a deal for your sakes. Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Susan can have a donut?" As Steve very slowly finished his last push-up, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 push-ups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor. Dr. Christianson turned to the room and said, "And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, plead to the Father, 'into Thy hands I commend my spirit.' With the understanding that He had accomplished all that was required of Him, He yielded up His life for us. And like some of those in this room, many leave the gift on the desk, uneaten." Two students helped Steve up off the floor and to a seat, physically exhausted, but wearing a thin smile. "Well done good and faithful servant," said the professor, adding, "Not all sermons are preached in words." Turning to the class the professor said, "My wish is that you might understand and fully comprehend all the riches of grace and mercy that have been given to you through the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. God spared not His only begotten son, but gave him up for us and for the whole world, now and forever. Whether we choose to accept His gift to us, the price for our sins has been paid. Wouldn't it be foolish and wouldn't it be ungrateful just to leave it laying on the desk?"

Jesus Weeps

I often get frustrated with myself and the way I let my emotions control my life. I get frustrated, lonely, angry with myself and others. I hurt. I cry. And then I feel guilty because the reality is, I have a pretty amazing life. I've been given so much and protected from so much. What right do I have to cry over little frustrations or jealousies? The majority of people out there have to deal with way more challenging circumstances than I do. I know I need to stop focusing on myself but I constantly feel guilty because the pain never quite goes away. The loneliness is always there - that ever present underlying ache. My problems aren't even worth a fraction of the tears I have shed over them yet they still exist.

And then it hits me - God doesn't belittle our pain. Yes, there are greater issues out there but God never once discounts the pain and emotion that His creatures feel. In fact, He hurts with us. John 11:35 - Jesus wept. Why was Jesus weeping? He was mourning with Mary and Martha. He was hurting with them. He was sharing in their pain. Don't we, as fallen humans, act exactly the same way? When someone we love is hurting, no matter what the circumstances, even if they brought it on themselves, we hurt with them. We long to help them, to relieve their suffering. It's often physical pain we feel on behalf of those we love.  Do we really expect less of God?  God never discounts our pain. Even if He Himself has allowed it for our own good. He still knows it hurts. He understands. He hurts with us. He cries with us.

Heroes and Villains

I've recently been reading a book entitled The Mad Scientist's Guide to World Domination. Okay, pause for explanation. I belong to a couple of book websites that occasionally send me ARC's...I lost you again, didn't I? Sorry, I'm such a book nerd. ARCs or Advance Reader Copies (or, if you want to get really technical, Advance Uncorrected Proofs) are books they send out to a select few readers before they are released to the general public. In exchange for getting free books before the rest of the world has the privilege of paying for them, you agree to read and write a review of the book. This way, by the time the book goes on sale, there are already a dozen reviews for people to peruse. They are usually not fully edited and the binding is not all nice and pretty...but it's a free book so who really cares. (Side note: in January, not only did I score the above mentioned book but I also received the newest John Piper book - TOTALLY FREE - Bonus!!!)

Okay, let's try this again.

I've recently been reading a book entitled The Mad Scientist's Guide to World Domination. (For those of you that are still concerned, it's a book of short science fiction stories...and admit it, if you saw this book on the shelf you'd at least pick it up and read the dust jacket...but you'll have to wait a few weeks because it hasn't been released yet...)

Okay, third time's the charm...

I've recently been reading a book entitled The Mad Scientist's Guide to World Domination. I wanted to share with you a brief quote from the foreword:
          "In most adventure fiction, be it drama or melodrama, the hero is defined very much by his (or her) adversary. The hero, sadly, is the more passive figure, forever waiting for the villain to set the plot in motion, so that he can then take whatever actions are necessary to forestall it."

Maybe this doesn't immediately strike you as it did me. But think about it for a minute. We live in a society that attempts to cure the result rather than prevent the problem. Look at our health - we focus on treating the disease instead of living in a way that will prevent us from getting it. Look at our finances - we rack up thousands of dollars in debt and then look for a way to pay for it instead of not spending it in the first place. And I'm afraid we live our Christian lives in the same way. We wait for some terrible evil to happen in our world and then we jump on the bandwagon with all the other 'good people' and attempt to fight it. And that is exactly what this quote is talking about. We live passively. We wait for evil to do it's work and then we go to war. We forget that we are always at war. 

What would happen if we focused on prevention of evil? What if those villains the quote talks about had had someone who had given of their own time and resources to show them that they were unconditionally loved? What if we loved people before they hit rock bottom, instead of trying to help them heal afterward? What if we took the time to make that phone call or send that encouragement card? What if we made time for that lunch date instead of simply saying, "We should get together sometime." What if we stopped saying, "I'm too busy." What do we say when we stand before God and He says, "I put so-and-so directly in your path so that you could show them my love and help them through their struggles." I'm pretty sure "I was busy" isn't going to cut it.

Satan is always at work but much of the time we miss it. We're waiting for the really big, dramatic, obvious evil so we can see a big, dramatic, obvious result. And don't get me wrong - there's definitely massive evil out there that we need to be fighting. But Satan is much more subtle than we give him credit for. Maybe a little of our time spent in prevention now will circumvent some of the more obvious evil 20 years down the road. Maybe that word of encouragement today will bring a smile, which will prevent hopelessness, which will save a life, which will change the world.

What are you waiting for? Don't wait for the villain to do his work. Don't live passively.  

When God Clearly Speaks

It's time for an update...and do I ever have a story to tell...

I love it when God speaks so clearly that even I can't miss it. I tend to be either very indecisive or just downright stubborn so sometimes God giving me a good solid kick is the only way to get me moving and that is what He has done for me in the last two weeks.

Two weeks ago I had no plans. My future was looming before me and, in all honesty, it just looked long and empty and boring and pretty pointless. I was desperate for something - but I didn't know what and I didn't know how to go after what I didn't know I wanted. (Yes, I'll wait while you go back and read that sentence again...okay, ready?)

Last February (2012) I went with a team from my church to spend a week at Foundation For His Ministry in Baja, Mexico. (Check out their website at ffhm.org or their facebook page for more info.) I loved my time there and was interested in going back, but when another opportunity came to return for a week this coming April I decided that this wasn't the trip for me and I said no.

And I was perfectly content with not going...until a couple days before the deadline to sign up.

I was suddenly overwhelmed with a desire to go but I chose to ignore it, deciding that I was being emotional and I just don't like being left out of things and I needed to suck it up and move on with life. So I said nothing. The deadline came and went and my feelings grew stronger and I finally said, "Okay, God, if you want me to go on this trip You're going to have to make it super obvious because I am not going to force my way in when we're already beyond the deadline. So if you want me to go, the team leaders are going to have to tell me that they have a spot left and they want me to take it."And I still said nothing...until 3 days later when I got this text message from the team leader: "We have a spot we are trying to fill for Mexico. Want to change your mind?" Funny that you should ask...yes, I actually do...thanks God, I'm a little dense sometimes.

So I found myself planning to spend the last week of April in Baja. And I was THRILLED to say the least. I spent the next 4 days bouncing off the walls with the excitement of a trip back to Mexico. On the fifth day I was...um...moody is a polite way to put it I guess. I was having a conversation with myself about a variety of things and I said in frustration, "Why even come home? I should just stay in Mexico." And then I  froze in the middle of the room. "Wait...I should just...stay...in...Mexico...why not? I have no reason why I can't stay for longer. I'm already paying to get down there and back. It's not going to cost that much more to extend my time there." I sat there for about 15 minutes thinking this through and I knew without a doubt, with complete and utter confidence that this was what I was supposed to do. I would leave for Mexico at the end of April and not return home for 10 weeks.

Now, obviously, there are still a few details to be worked out. My application just went in the mail this morning. And I would very much appreciate and covet your prayers over the next few months. But, Lord willing, I leave in less than 12 weeks for Mexico!

2013

This year will be a good year.

I will choose hope over despair and trust over fear. I will choose to see the emptiness in front of me as a valley of possibility instead of a desert of loneliness. I will choose to love when I feel unloved. I will choose to smile instead of cry. I will choose to hold my tongue when the urge to defend or make excuses for myself arises. I will choose to be silent instead of lashing out in anger. I will choose to walk in obedience to God no matter the cost to myself or my pride. 

I will choose hope...

     I will choose trust...
  
          I will choose love...

               I will choose to make 2013 a good year. 


"Today is the first blank page of a 365 page book - write a good one."