Pure Charity

 Okay, everyone, I command you to go check out this link. It's for an organization called Pure Charity. Watch the video and then check out their website. Most places you shop send money to charities. This website allows you to choose specifically what charities your purchases support and then to follow and receive updates on the projects you are supporting. The video explains it much better...just go watch it...

Pure Charity

Parable in a Car Wash

Elizsabeth Elliot is my current author of choice. I've been going through her books again and again and seeking out any new ones I haven't yet read. I wanted to share with you the chapter I read this morning.

Parable in a Car Wash    My eighteen-month-old grandson Walter, his father, and I were out for a drive when his father decided it was time to have the car washed. Those automatic car washes can be a bit scary on the first run-through, even for an adult. I watched Walter's face as the car was drawn into the dark tunnel. The water suddenly began to roar down over all four sides of the car, and his big blue eyes got bigger--but went immediately from the windows to the face of his father. He was too small to understand what it was all about, and he'd had no explanation beforehand. What he did know was that Daddy would take care of him. Then the giant brushes began to close in around us, whirling and sloshing and making a tremendous racket. It grew even darker inside the car. The boy had no way of knowing whether we'd get out of this alive. His eyes darted again from the brushes to the face of his father. I could see he was afraid, but he didn't cry. Then the rubber wheel came banging down on the windshield, and hot air began to blast us. It must have seemed to the child that this tunnel had no end. What further terrors awaited us? He clung to only one thing; he knew his father. His father had never given him any reason not to trust him, but still....    When the car finally broke out into sunshine, the little boy's face broke into a big smile. Everything was okay; Daddy knew what he was doing after all.    Like Walter, I have been through some dark tunnels. Although they were frightening, in the end I've found my Heavenly Father always knows the way out.    Thirty years ago I was standing beside a shortwave radio in a house on the Atun Yacu, one of the principal headwaters of the Amazon, when I learned that my husband, Jim Elliot, was one of the five missionaries missing. They had gone into the territory of the Auca Indians, a people who had never heard even the name of Jesus Christ. What did I do? I suppose I said out loud, "O Lord!"    And he answered me. Not with an audible voice (I've never heard him speak that way in my life). But God brought to mind an ancient promise from the Book of Isaiah: "I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned....For I am the Lord your God" (Isaiah 43:1, 2).    l am the Lord your God. Think of it! The One who engineered this incredible universe with such exquisite precision that astronomers can predict exactly where and when Halley's comet will appear--this God is my Lord.    Evelyn Underhill said, "If God were small enough to be understood, He would not be big enough to be worshiped."    Can we imagine that God, who is concerned with so many stupendous things, can possibly be concerned about us? We do imagine it. We hope he is. That is why we turn to him in desperation and cry out, as I did, "O Lord!" Where else can we possibly turn when we have come to the end of our resources?    Does God love us? Karl Barth, the great theologian, was once asked if he could condense all the theology he had ever written into one simple sentence. "Yes," he said. "I can. 'Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.'" Think about the account of the Crucifixion in Mark 15. Jesus was fastened to a cross. It was a man-made cross, and man-made nails were hammered through his hands--the hands that had formed the galaxies. Wicked men put him up there. Then they flung at him a bold and insolent challenge: "If you're the Son of God, come down! Then we'll believe."    Did he come down? No. He stayed there. He could have summoned an army of angels to rescue him, but he stayed there. Why? Because he loved us with a love that gives everything.    Because of the love of the father for us, he gave his son. Because of the love of the son for his father, he was willing to die, "so that by God's gracious will, in tasting death, he should stand for us all" (Hebrews 2:9).    When I heard Jim was missing, my first response was "O Lord!" God answered by giving me a promise: "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you."    Was that enough for me? Was that all I wanted? No, I wanted Jim back alive. I didn't want to go through that deep river, that dark tunnel. Five days later I got another radio message: Jim was dead. All five of the men were dead.    God hadn't worked any magic. He is not a talisman, a magic charm to carry in our pocket and stroke to get whatever we want. He could have sent a rescue squad of angels to save Jim and the others, but he didn't. Why not? Didn't he love us?    Fourteen years later God brought another man into my life. I thought it was a miracle I'd gotten married the first time! Now, once again, I was a wife.    However, Addison Leitch and I had not yet reached our fourth anniversary when we learned he had cancer. O Lord, I thought, another dark tunnel. The medical verdict was grim, but we prayed for healing. We did not know positively what the outcome would be, but like little Walter, we knew our Father. We had to keep turning our eyes from the frightening things to him, knowing him to be utterly faithful.    Whatever dark tunnel we may be called upon to travel through, God has been there. Whatever deep waters seem about to drown us, he has traversed. Faith is not merely "feeling good about God" but a conscious choice, even in the utter absence of feelings or external encouragements, to obey his Word when he says, "Trust Me." This choice has nothing to do with mood but is a deliberate act of laying hold on the character of God whom circumstances never change.    Does he love us? No, no, no is what our circumstances seem to say. We cannot deduce the fact of his unchanging love from the evidence we see around us. Things are a mess. Yet to turn our eyes back to the Cross of Calvary is to see the irrefutable proof that has stood all the tests of the ages: "It is by this that we know what love is: that Christ laid down his life for us" (John 3:16 NEB).    We are all little Walters to God. He knows the necessity of the "car wash," the dark passages of every human life, but he is in the car! The outcome will be most glorious.   Copyright 1989, by Elisabeth Elliot all rights reserved.

"But God..."

"God, what do You want from me? Are You asking me to give up this dream? But God, it's been in my heart for so long - a piece of me will die with this dream."

"I want all of you to die so that I can live in you. Will you give up your dreams so that my dreams for you will have the freedom to grow?" 

"But God, I like my dreams. I don't need big dreams. I am content with my small ones. Don't You want me to be content?"

"You are content only because you cannot see the bigger picture. Your imagination is too small."

"So show me the bigger picture."

"In order to see the big picture you must take your eyes off the small one."

"But God, You gave me that dream."

"No. I gave you pieces of a dream. You neglected to ask for my help and have put them together wrongly."

"But God, it hurts to die."

"I know."

"How do I let go?"

"By holding so tightly to me that it is not possible for you to hold onto anything else. Trust me as a small child trusts her human father. Crawl onto my lap, close your eyes, and fall asleep in my arms. Rest there, oblivious to the world around you. And as you sleep I will plant new dreams in your heart and they will grow, and when they are mature enough to bear fruit I will awaken you and show you the bigger picture."

"But God...but...but...but...God?"

"Yes?"

"I'm scared."

"I know."

"Daddy, please hold me!"

"I will."

"Don't let go."

"I won't."

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart."

  

***********************************************************************

"Father I want to know Thee, but my cowardly heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without inward bleeding, and I do not try to hide from Thee the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but I do come. Please root from my heart all those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that Thou mayest enter and dwell there without a rival. Then shalt Thou make the place of Thy feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for Thyself will be the light of it, and there shall be no night there. In Jesus' name. Amen."   -   Excerpt from "The Pursuit of God" by A.W. Tozer

Lessons (being) Learned

It's easy for me to get stuck where I am, to feel like it's the place I always have been and always will be. So I have to remind myself to look back and speak of God's faithfulness in my life. How He has proven again and again how strong He is, how much He loves me, and how much better His plans are than my own, and yet it is so easy for me to forget all those things. In the last few days I took some time to reflect on the past several months. (In our circle we call it "retro-introspection".) I set out this year with the goal of laying aside everything I thought I knew about myself. I wanted to try new things and make new discoveries. I wanted to know the unique place God had designed me to fill. I wanted to live up to God's creation and not people's expectations.

Plain and simple, this year has been hard, harder than I thought possible. I have never in my life felt more alone and lost and worthless than I have this year. I have discovered depths of my own humanity and depravity that I didn't know existed. I have hurt others. I have hurt myself. I have isolated myself and rejected those who tried to love me. I have spent months longing to remember what hope felt like. God has brought things to the surface that I had never allowed Him to deal with before, things I just kept burying deeper and deeper. The Bible says that whatever you obey becomes your master. I have learned the reality of this. My "little" sins and the insecurities that I try to hide have haunted me and taken me to places I didn't want to go, but I had become their slave.

But even in my refusal to learn, God still taught me, even when He had to do it the hard way. And for the first time I can say with complete honesty, that I'm thankful for this year. I'm thankful that God has not given up on me yet. He is still refining me and getting rid of the dross so that He, the Master Potter, can make something beautiful out of this worthless piece of clay.

God gave me a beautiful gift this past week. He gave me hope. And with hope came joy and peace and contentment - things I have not experienced in a long time and things I will never take for granted again. I don't know what the next year holds. It doesn't matter. Today is a new day, and today I'm learning to do the most simple tasks wholeheartedly as unto the Lord and I am loving every minute of it!!!

How To...

Today's lesson: How to Pack 5 days Worth of Food for 2 in a Cooler under 50 lbs.

Doesn't sound all that hard? Hmm...think again.

I recently had two dear friends get married and they asked if I would be willing to pack a cooler of food for them to take on their honeymoon - 5 days of breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. Oh, and they were flying to Maui, so it had to be under 50 lbs. And the food would sit in the cooler for 2 days so it had to stay cold...but there was dry stuff too that needed to stay dry...

I may sound like I'm complaining but, truthfully, this challenge was right up my alley. I love planning and organizing and I spent 2 weeks thinking through every aspect of this and doing all the shopping and cooking necessary and I loved every minute of it. I'm currently trying to figure out how to turn this into a career.

The first problem to address was how to keep the food cold from when I packed it Sunday morning to when they unpacked it Monday night. Normally you'd just add ice but that takes up space and adds weight. Solution: Pre-make and freeze dinners - those can double as ice packes and not take up any additional space. Okay, so what meals will freeze well?

After a week of contemplation, I had a packing list. So if you ever want to pack 5 days worth of food in a cooler, here you go (or you can just call me and have me do it):
(Obviously, you'll need to make some adjustment for individual taste preference)

They told me to keep Breakfast and Lunch fairly simple.
Breakfast:
Cereal, milk, and yogurt
Lunch:
Bread, lunch meat, cheese, mayo, mustard, and BBQ sauce
Dinners:
Spagetti sauce, noodles, parmesan cheese, breadsticks, green beans
Lasagna and bread sticks
Enchiladas, sour cream, chips and salsa
Beef Stew
Chicken and Rice
Other assorted food items and snacks:
Salt and Pepper, Butter
Poptarts
Popcorn

I was pretty proud of this list and I was planning to make several awesome desserts too but then I saw all the food layed out...

Next problem: Fit all of this in the cooler AND keep the dry food dry as the frozen starts to thaw. Also, realize that this cooler is going on a plane - it will NOT be treated gently. Pack accordingly. So I made it my goal that any breaks, spills, or water damage would be contained to only the one item impacted. In other words, I sealed everything in plastic bags!!!

Success!!! Confession: the two cans of green beans had to go in a different suitcase - Too much weight. I was so proud the moment I snapped that cooler shut and sealed it with a luggage strap!!! Now let's just hope that my scale is accurate...

Sugar-Coated Sins

I have a tendency to sugar-coat the sins in my life. Even the word sugar-coat has a nice, happy ring to it. And that's how I tend to think and talk about my sin.

It's not lying - I just don't want to bore people with all the details.

It's not laziness - I'm just really tired today and I was sick last week and I'm still recovering.

It's not gluttony - I just really like food.

It's not hatred or anger or bitterness - our personalities just don't mesh well.

(And this has been the big one lately)
It's not jealousy - I'm just struggling a little with contentment.

God has really been convicting me of my jealous heart lately. (I would say envious heart, but envy is such an ugly word!) It's always been something I've struggled with but kind of brushed aside. Everyone struggles with it. All in all it's pretty harmless if you keep it under control, right? But lately that little struggle has become a much greater fight in my life and God started showing me the reality of what jealousy really is.

Simply put, jealousy is wanting something someone else has and you don't. But here's the reality, God has given me everything I need to accomplish what He wants me to at this point in my life. That fact that I lack something is evidence that God does not intend for me to have it or, at the very least, He doesn't intend for me have it right now. To spend your time dwelling on what you don't have is to diminish God because your thoughts are implying that God is either withholding His best from you or is incapable of giving it to you.

This brought me to another realization. Why is it we want these things? I don't know what it is for you - money, possessions, a new car, a relationship, fill in the blank. We look to these things to satisfy a need we think we have. If a just had that car or a better job or a healthy relationship, than I would be happy and content. We are looking to these things to fill us in a way they were never intended to. There is nothing wrong with any of these things but when we are looking to them for satisfaction instead of to God than it becomes a problem. In fact I can think of a pretty nasty word for it, one of those words we like to avoid...

IDOLATRY

Yes, my jealousy, my lack of contentment, at it's root, is actually idolatry. What a horrifying moment of realization that was. But the good thing is that once I realized it I immediately stopped and now I no longer struggle with those sins...yeah, okay, that was a lie. It is still a daily, constant struggle as I battle those things but now that I have a better idea of what I am fighting I am able to go into battle better equipped. And (to quote a classic 80's cartoon) "Knowing is half the battle!"

Failure

It's official. I am a failure. I neglected to write yesterday and therefore my goal of blogging every day this month has failed. Now my natural tendancy would be to not blog anymore at all, after all, I can't possibly accomplish the goal so why do any work at all? It's amazing how often I follow that line of reasoning. I already ate unhealthy today so I'll eat a whole bunch more and start fresh tomorrow. I missed exercising today so I'll just skip the rest of the week and start again on Monday. I didn't read my Bible this morning and now the day's almost over so what's the point. I already spoke cruel words so why don't I just say everything that's on my mind and I'll learn to speak in love another day. It's amazing how much I don't do simply because I already messed up. When a child is learning to walk and they fall, how do we respond? "Oh you stupid child! How could you fall like that? Why can't you just get it right?" No, we say "Good job, you took a step, now try again." Yet how often do we berate ourselves when we fall? We failed once so we never try again. Or we plan to try again at some ambiguous point in the future. No! Now! Not tomorrow, not next week, not next year - NOW! Failure is not falling down. it's staying down. Get up and try again. You tried to walk and you fell. Welcome to being human. Now get off your bum and try again!

Bike Rides and Best Friends

God has blessed me with some pretty phenomenal friends in my life. But there have been a few that have stood out above the rest in the last couple years and one of them is my very best friend, Jessica.

I've known Jess for most of her life, we've been good friends for probably about 8 years, and best friends for around 4. She is my polar opposite - quiet, thoughtful, logical, steady. I honestly have no idea why she chooses to hang out with me - I'm reasonably certain I drive her nuts most of the time. But, for whatever reason, our friendship works. I have unforgettable memories of time spent with her camping and backpacking (nothing like sharing a 2-person tent to bond you with someone for life...and yes, we do have matching sleeping bags, but I bought mine first...), trips to the Zoo and Powells Books, eating ice cream or frozen yogurt (or if we're on a health kick, Naked Juice or Bolthouse), or spending long evenings just talking and praying together.

Today, we decided to take advantage of our continuing beautiful weather and take our bikes down to Camp Adair.

Unfortunately we immediatly hit a snag in our plans. Neither of us had a truck we could use. We had to get a little creative but with minimal maneuvering we managed to fit both of our bikes in the back of the Volvo and we were off!!!

What's a bike ride without a little Geocaching along the way? In case you don't know what Geocaching is, allow me to enlighten you. It's pretty much the coolest game ever. Remember when you were a little kid and liked to go on treasure hunts - your parents would hide stuff and give you hints to help you find it? It's like that only for adults. Someone hides a cache (in the form of some type of water resistant container filled with random objects) and posts the latitude and longitude online. You get the coordinates and program them into your GPS and wander off to who knows where with only an arrow pointing the right direction and a rough estimate of how far you have to go. You find the cache, sign the log book and help yourself to whatever cool item someone placed in the cache (naturally if you take something you also have to leave something so the cache doesn't empty out). You play this game with literally thousands of people you don't know. So what do you do for fun? I use mutli-million dollar satellites to find tupperware in the woods. Geocaching: It's what happens when nerds go outside.

So after a couple hours of biking and geocaching we stopped for a picnic which I neglected to take a picture of - but it was good! Apples, peanuts, banana bread, and cheese. So yummy!!! I did, however, take a picture of the bridge right next to where we ate. Photo features the beautiful Jessica, of course...



It was a great evening. Good conversation, lots of laughter, fresh air and exercise, food...oh, did I mention that Camp Adair is overrun with blackberries...mmmmm...so good...and totally worth all the scratches...(note to self, next time wear long pants)...

Now we just pray that neither of us get Poison Oak...there was plenty of that too...

Wait

WAIT

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.

Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,

And the master so gently said, “Child, you must wait!"

"Wait?” you say, "Wait!" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By FAITH I have asked, and am claiming your word.

"My future and all to which I can relate

Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to WAIT?

I'm needing a "yes", a go ahead sign

Or even a "no", to which I can resign.

"And Lord, you promised that if we believe

We need but to ask, and we shall receive.

And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:

I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate

As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."

So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut

And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and his eyes wept with mine,

And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heaves, and darken the sun.

I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.

All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.

You would have what you want...but you wouldn't know ME.

You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint;

You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;

You'd not know the joy of resting in me

When darkness and silence were all you could see.

You'd never experience that fullness of love

As the peace of my spirit descends like a dove;

You'd know that I give and save...for a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

The glow of my comfort late into the night.

The faith that I give when you walk without sight,

The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked

Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that "My grace is sufficient for thee"

Yes, your dreams for your loved ones

Overnight would come true,

But oh, the LOSS!

If I lost what I'm doing in you!

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see

THAT THE GREATEST OF GIFTS

IS TO GET TO KNOW ME.

And though oft may my answers seem terribly late,

My wisest of answers is still but to WAIT."

—Author Unknown 

Doing the Next Thing

It's generally about this time of night that I realize I need to blog and I can't think of anything to say. So I try to think back to what I read today and nothing seems to have stuck with me. Then I think back to what I did over the weekend - babysitting, cooking, cleaning, organizing...not much of interest there...and then I think something along the lines of "What the heck am I doing with my life?" and then I either get frustrated and angry or I get depressed and cry. But I've been told hundreds of times and I've read hundreds of times, when you don't know what to do, just do the next thing. So that's what I'll keep doing until God gives me some big revelation. I'll just do the next thing. Whether it's playing piano, organizing the pantry, babysitting the neighbor, or writing aimlessly in my blog, I'll be here doing it...thanks for being here with me...

Even If

Sometimes a song says it way better than I can...

You are God...you are good...

Lessons from Frisker

Sometimes inspiration comes when you least expect it. Tonight I was reading to two of my favorite little girls. They had selected a book entitled "Frisker" which goes all the way back to my childhood (yes, they had books when I was little).

Frisker is a puppy who lives in the pound. One day a farmer comes looking for a dog and chooses a dog who looks strong. The next day Frisker tries to look strong so he'll get chosen, but a clown comes looking for playful dog. So the next day Frisker tries to look playful but a policeman comes looking for a fierce dog. And so the story goes. Finally Frisker gives up and says, "No one will ever, ever choose me."

I've read this book hundreds of times in my life and I think this is the first time I've actually gotten the point. How much of my life do I spend trying to be who I think people want me to be? How much energy have I invested in trying to look good and please people? Maybe if I just focus on being who God created me to be I'll be happier and less stressed and maybe I'll find that spot in life where I fit perfectly. Just like Frisker was finally found by the little boy who wanted a dog just like Frisker.

How Jesus Loves

Some of you may have read this before. I wrote it over a year ago and it's been posted on facebook a couple times, but I read this passage this morning and it struck me again. Sometimes my life seems dead but God is still at work and I need to have confidence in that.

"Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when He heard that Lazarus was ill, He stayed two days longer in the place where He was." John 11:5-6

Honestly, I've never understood this story before. I mean, if someone I loved was facing a tragedy in their life I wouldn't wait two days to do something about it. But that is what happens here. Not "When Jesus heard, He hurried to be with them." It specifically says Jesus loved them SO He stayed where He was. Does that make sense to you? Yeah, me neither...until yesterday.

If Jesus had immediately gone to be with them He could have healed Lazarus and everything would have been fine and we would have just another story of Jesus healing someone who was sick. But Jesus loved them so He wanted to do something extraordinary in their life. He wanted their story to stand out. He waited until they were beyond hope, until they had given up completely, until they were in despair and then He shows up and says "No, your story is gonna be different. It's gonna be better. Because I love you and I want to do something amazing in your life."

Have you reached that moment? That moment when after crying out to God and pleading for Him to answer you, you finally give up and say, "Okay, I guess God's answer is no this time." Have you felt that hopelessness, that despair? I have. But God absolutely ovewhelmed me with hope yesterday, with a reminder that no matter how dead my life seems He is still at work and is doing something extraordinary BECAUSE HE LOVES ME!!! How great is that!

You know what else I love about this chapter? Verse 35...c'mon you know it. "Jesus wept." So Jesus finally shows up and everyone is mourning and what does He do? Run in all excited, "Don't worry guys, I got this"? No, He shares their pain. He knows He's going to heal Lazarus. He knows that a few minutes down the road these peoples lives will be drastically different, but He takes a moment to reach out and grieve with them and share in their hurt and loneliness BECAUSE HE LOVES THEM!!!

That's my God! He shares in my pain and my hurt and my loneliness and then turns my life upside down when I least expect it. BECAUSE HE LOVES ME!!! If that doesn't fill you with hope and joy then...well...I don't know what to tell you.

All I Need to Know

Once again, I don't have a whole lot on my mind. (Anyone have tips on how to fit 5 days worth of food for 2 into a cooler that weighs under 50 lbs...cause that's mostly what I'm thinking about at the moment...)

Sometimes the most simple concepts are all of a sudden fresh again and you realize how amazing these things that you tend to take for granted are. Like forgiveness and grace. I was just reminded again tonight how undeserving I am and how good God is. I have messed up in so many ways but God extends His grace again and again. I have hurt people that I deeply love and they extend grace and love me when I don't deserve it. I have been blessed in ways that most of the world only dreams about and yet I am always finding a reason to complain, to be discontent, to be grumpy. Sometimes I wish I could literally split myself in two so I could slap myself.

God is good. He loves me and wants the very best for me. Everything He does is for the ultimate purpose of drawing me to Himself. That's all I need to know.

Resolutions

Recently, I saw the movie Courageous for the first time (I know, I'm way behind the times). The movie focuses on men and the resolutions they make to become the men, husbands, and fathers God has called them to be. However, some quick online research led me to the womens version of the thirteen resolutions. For the next few weeks I plan to put some thought into these and figure out what it would look like to adopt these resolutions into my own life. Some of these thoughts will probably pop up in later blogs so feel free to start thinking with me and maybe we can compare notes.

1.      I DO SOLEMNLY RESOLVE to embrace my current season of life and will maximize my time in it.  I will resist the urge to hurry through or circumvent any portion of my journey but will live with a spirit of contentment.

2.     I WILL CHAMPION God's model for womanhood in the face of a pro-feminist culture.  I will teach it to my daughters and encourage its support by my sons.

3.     I WILL ACCEPT and celebrate my uniqueness, and will esteem and encourage the distinctions I admire in others.

4.    I WILL LIVE as a woman answerable to God and faithfully committed to His Word.

5.     I WILL SEEK to devote the best of myself, my time, and my talents to the primary roles the Lord has entrusted to me in this phase of my life.

6.    I WILL BE a woman who is quick to listen and slow to speak.  I will care about the concerns of others and esteem them more highly than myself

7.     I WILL FORGIVE those who have wronged me and reconcile with those I have wronged.

8.     I WILL NOT TOLERATE evil influences even in the most justifiable form, in my self or my home, but will embrace and encourage a life of purity.

9.    I WILL PURSUE justice, love mercy and extend compassion toward others.

10. I WILL BE FAITHFUL to my husband and honor him in my conduct and conversation in order to bring glory to the name of the Lord.  I will aspire to be a suitable partner for him to help him reach his God-given potential.

11.   I WILL DEMONSTRATE to my children how to love God will all their hearts, minds, and strength, and will train them to respect authority and live responsibly.

12. I WILL CULTIVATE a peaceful home where everyone can sense God's presence not only through acts of love and service but also through the pleasant and grateful attitude with which I perform them.

13.  I FULLY RESOLVE to make today's decisions with tomorrow's impact in mind.  I will consider my current choices in light of those who will come after me.

"Daddy, Fix It"

            A small child sits in the middle of the floor. She plays contentedly, her favorite toy in hand. She knows no fear, no anxiety, no stress. She knows nothing other than her perfect life. She is loved and her every need is met.

            Suddenly…disaster…the beloved toy falls apart in her hand. She awkwardly tries to piece it back together, to restore it to its former shape and use. A few minutes of her failed attempts at re-creation result in teary frustration, followed very quickly by anger. The toy is thrown across the room, a reaction to the realization that she is not in control of her no longer perfect little world. She wraps her arms around her legs, buries her face in her knees, and weeps.

            And then a spark of hope ignites in her heart. She retrieves the shattered toy and runs from the room in search of her hero. She finds him, as always, more than willing to take time for her. She stands before him, tears still creeping down her cheeks, “Daddy, can you fix it?” He smiles, pulls her onto his lap and into his embrace, wipes away her tears, and says, “Yes, little one, I can fix it.”

            I walk through life. I am content, happy. I have a family who loves me. I am surrounded by friends. My every need is met. I am comfortable. My world is perfect. And then change comes – I lose someone or something I love, my plans don’t work out the way I had hoped, my life falls apart. My world is no longer perfect. My world is broken.

            I frantically try to piece it back together, to keep the things I love and treasure close to me, to be in control. I hold onto the hope that my perfect life will be restored and everything will be the way it used to be. Eventually the realization that I can’t fix what is broken sinks in and I get angry. I yell and scream and throw things. Eventually I exhaust myself and I curl up in a fetal position and cry. For days, weeks, months I cry.

            And then hope…I run to my hero, but the words that come out are filled with pride. “God, my life doesn’t look like I want it to. I know you can fix it and this is how you should do it.” As if I hadn’t already proven how feeble and destined to fail my attempts to fix things are.

            I want to be the little girl. A mere few minutes from the moment of brokenness to the desperate plea, “Daddy, fix it.” The little girl who has complete confidence that he knows what he is doing and is able to fix what is broken so much better than she herself can, the little girl who places her complete trust in the one who has always proven himself trustworthy. I want to be the little girl who pleads in simple faith, “Daddy, fix it.”

"Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."   Matthew 18:3-4

A Quiet Mind

For the last few years one of the constant themes running through my mind and life has been quietness. I've been trying hard to learn to be quiet, still, and to wait patiently on God. Some days I am actually semi-successful. But lately, I've been getting more and more impatient. "Okay God, quietness, I get it. I'm being still, I'm waiting on You, let's move on."

Yesterday, it finally struck me. While outwardly I've been quiet and still , inwardly my mind never stops. My prayer times have been filled with me talking at God and listing my hurts and frustrations and grievences over and over and over again. Not that I shouldn't be honest with God. After all, He knows and understands my emotions better than I do myself. But if I spend all my time ranting at God and not giving Him a chance to talk back to me then not only am I am never going to get the direction that I desire, but our relationship will never be the true companionship that it is meant to be. Do you like hanging out with people who never shut up and repeat the same things over and over and over again? Do you feel like you have a quality relationship with them? Yeah, me neither.

I tried to put this new aspect into practice yesterday. 10 minutes of quietness before God. Shouldn't be too hard to clear my mind for 10 minutes, right? Wrong! I diecovered just how busy my mind is! I can't stop thinking! My mind goes everywhere - friends, my small group, what I need to remember to pray about when my 10 minutes of quietness is up, what I'm going to write in my blog today, the list goes on and on. I find I have to constantly reign in my thoughts. All these things I can think about later, this is a time for God to talk to me and tell me His thoughts. I really hope quieting your mind is something you can get better at with practice. I really want to hear God when He speaks to me.

Daddy's Girl

I freely admit it - I am a daddy's girl. I love my daddy and I love spending time with him. Some of my favorite memories growing up were made with my dad - Saturday trips to the dump (always including a reminder NOT to fall in), singing while riding bikes (and honking our horns in rhythm, of course), late nights trying to outwit each other playing board games, and many, many rounds of mini golf (these last two still happen fairly regularly). And we still go on dates!

Today, dad had a couple errands to run in Portland and I had nothing to do so I tagged along. We completed our scheduled tasks and then proceeded to Geocache, which led us to a little fruit stand where we picked up fresh Oregon strawberries (so good!). Lunch at sonic and a few more quick errands on the way home and, like magic, a day of tedious tasks becomes another day full of great memories.

Often girls say to me, "I wish MY dad would take me on dates." Have you asked him? He'd probably love to!

Friendship

I was thinking about friends today. I have a best friend and about 5 others I would count as my closest friends (excluding family). Each of these people have come into my life in a different way. Some come from that moment in your life when you say, "Hey, let's be best friends!" and you are. Some have just always been there and we have so many shared memories and experiences that to not be their friend would just not be right and would leave a huge gap in your life. Some you connect with the moment you meet them and after a day or two, not being their friend would feel just as strange as those whom you have known your whole life. Some you have a lot in common with and so a friendship naturally develops. But however they have come into my life and how long or short a time they have been there they have all taught me things and blessed me in so many ways, most of which I probably won't fully grasp until heaven.

I'm so grateful that God did not intend for us to walk through this life alone. That He gave us people to encourage us, challenge us, make us laugh, pray for us and with us, and to just be there. I need people in my life, even when I outwardly deny that fact it still holds true. So to all my true friends out there, please don't give up on me yet. I know i fail and I know I'm grumpy and not always fun to be around. Thanks for loving me anyway.

Look Elsewhere...

My thoughts have been anything but deep today. It's one of those days when it seems like just doing the next thing is an accomplishment. I had big plans for all the cleaning I was going to get done today - bathroom, bookshelves, closets...I managed the fridge and two drawers in my bathroom. So how do you cope with those days that seem pointless and mundane? When you wonder if there really is a purpose to anything? When you feel like you have nothing to look forward to in life?

So don't look to me for inspiration today, but let me point you to a couple others...

"Waiting on the Lord is a confident, disciplined, expectant, active, and sometimes painful clinging to God. Waiting on the Lord is the continual, daily decision to say, 'I will trust You, and I will obey You. Even though the circumstances of my life are not turning out the way I want them to, and may never turn out the way I would choose, I am betting everything on You. I have no plan B.'" - John Ortberg

"Standing still on some occasions is the paramount duty of the follower of Christ. There are times when we must be merely onlookers--when the flesh and the brain refuse to work, hopes shrivel like autumn leaves, and we simply do not know which way to turn. It may be just then that we shall learn for the first time how to stand still in perfect peace and quietness of soul. Not idling away our time, not hopelessly limp and heedless of the outcome--but working on in such ways as may be given to us. Observing with eager joy the way in which God will work it all out to a perfectly glorious ending. All our little fussiness and haste, all our strong anxiety and warping care are as futile as the tugging of a little child's hand at the great iron knob of a closed and barred gate through which his loving father does not to care to have him go just then." - Elisabeth Elliot