Understanding Grace

There’s a difference between intellectually knowing something and really understanding the truth of it. I know that the earth is round because people I trust and that know better than me have taught me this my whole life. I know it in my head but it doesn’t really make a difference in the way I live. The same is true with truths about God. I know God loves me, I know He has a good plan for my life; I know He understands my pain and my fears and the things I struggle with. I’ve known these things my whole life, I’ve taught them to others. But every once in a while there comes a great moment when intellectual knowledge suddenly takes hold in your heart and you really KNOW. And the beauty of that moment is that suddenly these truths make a difference in how you live because in the very depth of who you are, you KNOW they are true.

But sometimes the truths you realize are not quite so pleasant. Scripture clearly teaches that we as humans are wicked and there is nothing good in us and we deserve eternity in hell. And I’ve always believed this…or thought I did. Deep down I guess I always thought I wasn’t really that bad, you know, compared to the REALLY messed up people out there. I’m doing okay. God ripped that pride away from me this week. And in a single moment I realized that I am more depraved than I ever thought possible. I really do deserve eternity in hell and I KNOW IT to the very core of who I am.

I always thought I had a grasp on the concept of grace, that I understood what it was all about. But until I grasped my own unworthiness I couldn’t even begin to understand grace, because grace is meaningless if deep down you don’t really think you need it. But when you realize how desperately helpless you are on your own, grace becomes everything. I really wish I had realized sooner what a huge misconception I had. I wish I had seen the Pharisee in myself before now. Perhaps I would have made fewer mistakes along the way. But I’m so grateful that God is still teaching me, in spite of myself and in spite of the bad decisions I have made and will probably continue to make in my life. God loves me, God forgives me, and God is making something beautiful out of my life. I don’t deserve it, but it’s true and knowing that will make a difference in how I live my life every day.